LAURENCE Have you ever done something bad?
ANA I can't tell if you're trying to flirt with me or scare me into never using Eros again.
LAURENCE And if it's the first?
ANA Well, if I have done something bad, then I'm not about to disclose it in a chat that some random IT guy could read when he's bored.
LAURENCE And if it's the second option?
ANA Then I have a feeling we're not talking about traffic violations or borrowing my sister's favorite sweater and shrinking it by accident.
LAURENCE Most definitely not.
ANA Good to know.
ANA Then as your unofficial legal counsel, I need to advise you against continuing this conversation.
LAURENCE Are you a lawyer?
ANA After all the dramatized detective shows I’ve seen, I could run a law firm.
LAURENCE Straight into the ground?
ANA I’m wounded that you think so little of me. Have a little faith.
LAURENCE I have some.
ANA Just not the good kind?
LAURENCE Exactly.
ANA You are aware this is a dating app and not a crisis hotline, right?
LAURENCE It’s easy to forget given the state of your love life.
ANA Mine? What about yours?
LAURENCE It was DOA years ago.
ANA Aw. Did someone break your heart?
LAURENCE Who said I have one?
ANA Well then now’s my chance to drop a clichéd “everyone has a heart, even if yours is a bit broken” line.
LAURENCE You’ve got a real talent for words.
ANA Really?
LAURENCE No.
ANA Maybe it’s time for me to delete this anonymous chat and find someone who appreciates my charm AND has no problem meeting up in person after spending the last few weeks messaging nonstop.
LAURENCE Giving up already?
ANA Your sunny disposition is starting to wear on me a bit.
LAURENCE Your jokes are improving. I nearly laughed.
ANA Is there hope for me yet?
LAURENCE I hate to break it to you, but I have about as much hope as I do faith.
ANA You know what I learned from fostering animals?
ANA Hurt dogs don’t holler. They bite.
ANA Sometimes I think about packing my bags and going somewhere else.
LAURENCE I don’t believe you.
ANA You’re right. I love Lake Wisteria and plan on spending the rest of my life here. It’s part of my whole thirty-year plan to buy a cottage, have a few kids, and start a bee sanctuary in my backyard.