# Read the first page of Know My Name by Chanel Miller Read the opening of Know My Name by Chanel Miller free, no signup. Chanel Miller reclaims her identity after assault and the trial that made her anonymous. - Page: https://uncovered.ink/read/know-my-name-chanel-miller - Genre: Survivor memoir - Year: 2019 - ISBN: 9780241988374 - Read it blind (cover and title hidden): https://uncovered.ink/?b=9780241988374&s=read-page - Buy: https://bookshop.org/a/125786/9780241988374 - Borrow: https://search.worldcat.org/search?q=9780241988374 ## The opening @@CHAP@@ Introduction The fact that I spelled subpoena, suhpeena, may suggest I am not qualified to tell this story. But all court transcripts are at the world’s disposal, all news articles online. This is not the ultimate truth, but it is mine, told to the best of my ability. If you want it through my eyes and ears, to know what it felt like inside my chest, what it’s like to hide in the bathroom during trial, this is what I provide. I give what I can, you take what you need. In January 2015, I was twenty-two, living and working in my hometown of Palo Alto, California. I attended a party at Stanford. I was sexually assaulted outside on the ground. Two bystanders saw it, stopped him, saved me. My old life left me, and a new one began. I was given a new name to protect my identity: I became Emily Doe. In this story, I will be calling the defense attorney, the defense. The judge, the judge. They are here to demonstrate the roles they played. This is not a personal indictment, not a clapback, a blacklist, a rehashing. I believe we are all multidimensional beings, and in court, it felt harmful being flattened, characterized, mislabeled, and vilified, so I will not do the same to them. I will use Brock’s name, but the truth is he could be Brad or Brody or Benson, and it doesn’t matter. The point is not their individual significance, but their commonality, all the people enabling a broken system. This is an attempt to transform the hurt inside myself, to confront a past, and find a way to live with and incorporate these memories. I want to leave them behind so I can move forward. In not naming them, I finally name myself. My name is Chanel. I am a victim, I have no qualms with this word, only with the idea that it is all that I am. However, I am not Brock Turner’s victim. I am not his anything. I don’t belong to him. I am also half Chinese. My Chinese name is Zhang Xiao Xia, which translates to Little Summer. I was named summer because: I was born in June. Xia is also China’s first dynasty. I am the first child. “Xia” sounds like “sha.” Chanel. The FBI defines rape as any kind of penetration. But in California, rape is narrowly defined as the act of sexual intercourse. For a long time I refrained from calling him a rapist, afraid of being corrected. Legal definitions are important. So is mine. He filled a cavity in my body with his hands. I believe he is not absolved of the title simply because he ran out of time. The saddest things about these cases, beyond the crimes themselves, are the degrading things the victim begins to believe about her being. My hope is to undo these beliefs. I say her, but whether you are a man, transgender, gender-nonconforming, however you choose to identify and exist in this world, if your life has been touched by sexual violence, I seek to protect you. And to the ones who lifted me, day by day, out of darkness, I hope to say thank you. @@CHAP@@ 1. I AM SHY. In elementary school for a play about a safari, everyone else was an animal. I was grass. I’ve never asked a question in a large lecture hall. You can find me hidden in the corner of any exercise class. I’ll apologize if you bump into me. I’ll accept every pamphlet you hand out on the street. I’ve always rolled my shopping cart back to its place of origin. If there’s no more half-and-half on the counter at the coffee shop, I’ll drink my coffee black. If I sleep over, the blankets will look like they’ve never been touched. I’ve never thrown my own birthday party. I’ll put on three sweaters before I ask you to turn on the heat. I’m okay with losing board games. I stuff my coins haphazardly into my purse to avoid holding up the checkout line. When I was little I wanted to grow up and become a mascot, so I’d have the freedom to dance without being seen. ## Books with a similar feel - [Nobody's Girl by Virginia Roberts Giuffre](https://uncovered.ink/read/nobodys-girl-virginia-roberts-giuffre.md) - [In Order to Live by Yeonmi Park & Maryanne Vollers](https://uncovered.ink/read/in-order-to-live-yeonmi-park-and-maryanne-vollers.md) - [All Boys Aren't Blue by George M. Johnson](https://uncovered.ink/read/all-boys-arent-blue-george-m-johnson.md) - [Stolen Innocence by Elissa Wall & Lisa Pulitzer](https://uncovered.ink/read/stolen-innocence-elissa-wall-and-lisa-pulitzer.md) - [When I Was Puerto Rican by Esmeralda Santiago](https://uncovered.ink/read/when-i-was-puerto-rican-esmeralda-santiago.md) - [Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel](https://uncovered.ink/read/prozac-nation-elizabeth-wurtzel.md) --- Source: Uncovered (https://uncovered.ink). A short sample shown for reading and discovery. Rights holders can request removal at https://uncovered.ink/takedown.